A selection of Groucho Marx quotes

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's to dark to read.
Are you going to believe me, or what you see with your own eyes?

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

We give 'em a seventy-five cent meal that'll knock their eyes out. After we knock their eyes out, we can charge them anything we want.

I drink to make people interesting.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Time wounds all heels.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?